Hermione breaks the unofficial rules
by Alanna's modern day twin
Summary: Hermione cracks under the pressure of being head girl and proceeds to break all the unofficial rules in Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter or Monty python….i wish I did but I don't so pfft………

Hermione breaks the unofficial rules.

Ron stared at Harry in confusion. Some thing was wrong with Hermione and neither of them knew what was going on.  
It had all started on the train on the way to Hogwarts. Ron and Harry had walked in on Hermione sitting in a compartment in the train giggling to herself. She didn't even stop when they asked her about her summer.

Harry had whispered to Ron that Hermione would calm down when they got to Hogwarts but she didn't in fact it seemed that Hermione got worse. When they entered the great hall Hermione pulled out her wand and shot a spell that neither of them knew at all the suits of armour in the hall. Ron and Harry both grabbed one of her arms and led her to their seats. Once Hermione saw Ginny she started laughing even harder and pulled a piece of parchment out of her shoulder bag and handed it to Ginny.

Ginny read the parchment and quickly duplicated it and started handing it out to every one around her. She then floated a pile of copies over to the other three tables. Hermione motioned to Ginny in between her giggles and Ginny floated a much smaller pile over to the head table where all the present teachers grabbed a copy to see what had the head girl laughing so hard.

Harry and Ron didn't manage to get hold of a copy of the parchment as they where trying to get Hermione to calm down. Finally they managed to reduce her laughter to sporadic giggles just as Professor McGonagall brought the first years in.

After they had been sorted Albus stood to give his yearly introduction speech. After Albus had introduced himself and the other teachers, including tonks who was the defence against dark arts teacher, he motioned to Hermione and Anthony Goldstein to stand and introduce them selves.

Anthony's introductions was short and to the point but Hermione's was where it went wrong.  
"I... am an enchanter….Some call me Tim" she called out and with that she threw something on the ground and there was a clap like thunder and smoke billowed up.

Muggle born students started laughing while the other students and most of the teachers just looked on in shock. Hermione then pointed her wand at the celing and called out "We are the knights of the round table!"

The suits of armour that had previously been spelled by Hermione all jumped to life and started singing and dancing to music that began playing.

We're knights of the round table

We dance when e'er we're able

We do routines and parlour scenes

With footwork impecc-Able.

We dine well here in Camelot

We eat ham and jam and spam a lot

[dancing

We're knights of the Round Table

Our shows are for-mid-able

Though many times we're given rhymes

That are quite unsing-able

We not so fat in Camelot

We sing from the diaphragm a lot

[tap-dancing

Oh we're tough and able

Quite indefatigable

Between our quests we sequin vests

And impersonate Clark Gable

It's a bit too loud in Camelot

I have to push the pram a lot.

The students that got the joke where laughing so hard that most of them had actually fallen on the ground and couldn't do anything but laugh. Albus had a small smile on his face and everyone else just looked scared.

Finally the students calmed down and Albus was able to continue his yearly speech.

"I would also like to remind you that the forbidden forrest is as it's name implies….forbidden." suddenly Hermione shouted out "Believe it…. OR NOT!"

Everyone looked at her weirdly but Albus just continued his speech "…and if you have any problems please see your head of house." He concluded when Hermione shouted out "Believe it…. OR NOT!" again.

Albus just ignored her and sent everyone to bed. As Harry and Ron went to bed they both prayed that the next day Hermione was back to normal.

A/N should I continue???? I dunno I have ideas for another chapter but….hmmm is it any good???


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione giggled at Harry stared at her in horror

Hermione giggled at Harry stared at her in horror.

Harry groaned and wondered why it was his day to escort her to breakfast to make sure she didn't repeat her actions from the opening feast. Ron and Harry had kept up a routine of watching her constantly for a week now and they thought that they had her under control. The only time they had slipped up was when Harry had been distracted by Draco in potions and Ron wasn't there to keep and eye on Hermione.

Before anyone could do anything to contain her, Hermione had her hand up in the air and professor Snape had called on her.

"Please sir" she started, "Can this potion be used as a sexual lubricant?" she had asked, the picture of innocence and naivety.

Everyone had stared in shock as Snape's eye started to twitch. Harry had the good sense to grab Hermione, throw her over his shoulder and run like Voldermort was after him.

Snape had naturally complained to Albus but nothing was done about Hermione's constant need to be kept under supervision.

Harry looked again at Hermione and wondered what was wrong with her. She was dressed in a pair of pants that where so baggy that they almost sat around her thighs and a shirt that was just as baggy as her pants. If Harry guessed correctly Hermione looked a lot like a gangster rapper.

Harry decided to ignore Hermione because it wasn't as if anyone would help her in her mischief today. Little did he know a certain DADA professor and red headed Weasly was in cahoots with Hermione.

Hermione kept up a gangster swagger all the way down to the great hall where everyone was sitting. As she walked in Ginny and Tonks took off their modest robes and revealed what they where wearing underneath.

Both girls looked almost identical thanks to Tonks's talents, they where wearing hot pants that where more the size of underwear and boob tube tops. They giggled and rushed over to Hermione, revealing to the hall that they where also wearing leather boots that reached up to their thighs, causing most of the male population to almost have a coronary.

Hermione held out her arms and, as both girls where shorter than her, they fit quite snugly under arms as they wrapped an arm each around Hermione.

"Waz up ho's?" Hermione almost slurred.

"Nu'ning Mamma" the girls giggled.

Suddenly the lights in the hall went down with just a spot light on Hermione and the girls who where soon revealed as back up singers as a heavy beat reverberated through the hall. Some muggle born students like Dean and Seamus recognized the beat and melody before Hermione started singing and as she started singing they started laughing.

They see me mowin' my front lawn  
I know they're all thinkin' I'm so  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy  
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I wanna roll with the gangstas  
But so far they all think I'm too  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
I'm just too white and nerdy  
Really, really white and nerdy

First in my class here at MIT  
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D  
M.C. Escher, that's my favorite M.C.  
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea  
My rims never spin, to the contrary  
You'll find that they're quite stationary  
All of my action figures are Cherry  
Stephen Hawking's in my library

My MySpace page is all totally pimped out  
Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces  
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places  
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces  
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise  
I'm a wiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days  
Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed  
My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze

There's no killer app I haven't run (run)  
At Pascal, well I'm number one (one)  
Do vector calculus just for fun  
I ain't got a gat, but I got a soddering gun (what?)  
Happy Days is my favorite theme song  
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong  
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on  
I'm fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon

Here's the part I sing on...

You see me roll on my segway I know in my heart they think I'm  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy  
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I'd like to roll with the gangstas  
Although it's apparent I'm too  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
I'm just too white and nerdy  
How'd I get so white and nerdy

I been browsin', inspectin' X-Men comics  
You know I collect 'em  
The pens in my pocket, I must protect them  
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored  
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media  
I edit Wikipedia  
I memorized Holy Grail really well  
I can recite it right now and have you R-O-T-F-L-O-L

I got a business doing websites (websites)  
When my friends need some code, who do they call?  
I do HTML for 'em all  
Even made a homepage for my dog, yo  
I got myself a fanny pack  
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap  
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap  
Pop, pop - hope no one sees me gettin' freaky

I'm nerdy in the extreme  
whiter than sour cream  
I was in AV club and glee club  
And even the chess team  
Only question I ever thought was hard  
Was "Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?"  
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Fair  
Got my name on my underwear

They see me strollin', they're laughin'  
And rollin' their eyes cause I'm so  
White and nerdy

Just because I'm white and nerdy  
Just because I'm white and nerdy  
All because I'm white and nerdy  
Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy

I wanna bowl with the gangstas  
But oh well, it's obvious I'm  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
I'm just too white and nerdy  
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

Hermione then calmly thanked Ginny and Tonks, transfigured her gangster clothing into her uniform and sat down and ate breakfast.

_A/N _sorry for the crappy chapter… if anyone can think of more outrageous stunts that Hermione can do please email me or leave a review. Another chapter coming up soon!!(as in I'm writing it now)


	3. Chapter 3

It was now Christmas time and Harry and Ron where going quite insane from the pressure from the constant watch that they had t

It was now Christmas time and Harry and Ron where going quite insane from the pressure from the constant watch that they had to keep on Hermione. Since her white and nerdy stunt in the great hall every time they had left her alone for more than five minutes she had done something that was COMPLETELY unacceptable but not against the school rules

The first time she dressed up as Voldermort and hugged everyone, the second time she started a betting pool on who Snape would make cry first. Her other misdemeanors included signing her papers as the dark lord happy pants, attempting to stop Snape from taking over the world with flying monkeys, requiring all first years to refer to her as "the most high and honorable master of the universe" and bang a gong whenever she entered a room, trying to work out a peace treaty with Voldermort using Harry's life as a bargaining chip and insisting that she weighs the same as a duck and then transfiguring a rock into the shape of a duck just to prove that she did.

Harry was sick of the constant pressure that Hermione was putting on him so finally he decided to be the better one and sit her down and ask her why she was doing all of this.

"Hermione why are you doing this" Harry pleaded.

"Do you really want to know the truth?" Hermione asked him surprisingly lucidly.

"Yes I do," Harry sighed, "you're driving me insane."

"Ok well the truth is" Hermione started, "Well the truth is I'm sick of being the responsible one in our friendship so I'm now putting you and Ron under the same stress that you put me under for the past six years. Also with me acting insane no one is bothering to play pranks one anyone because they are too interested in what I'll come up with next. And lastly, it's fun. I've never been one to just do stuff for fun and now I'm finally letting my self go and I'm having fun. Want to join me?"

Harry looked at Hermione in shock. Could he really be her "partner in crime"? Yes he thought to himself, yes he could.

"Ok" Harry said staring straight into Hermione's face.

"Whoot, ok well the first thing we need to do is for you to prank the school so what do you want to do?" she asked

"Well……" Harry started "you know how it's almost Christmas?" he asked.

"Yes"

"Well…… you know how the Griffindors wear red robes?"

"Yes"

"Well…… you know how the Slytherins wear green robes?"

"Yes"

"Well…… you know how it's our job to decorate the main hall for the Christmas feast?"

"I like where you're going."

The next morning the Griffindors and Slytherins woke to find their first years missing.

As the general school population entered the great hall they found the Griffindors and Slytherins first years….tied to the roof and gagged.

Finally Albus entered the hall and noticed the first years.

"Miss Granger. The First year Griffindors and Slytherins are NOT Christmas decorations."

Little did anyone know that Harry was now in cahoots with Hermione.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N ok so I just read "How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony" and it said something about converting the teachers so I decided w

_A/N_ ok so I just read "How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony" and it said something about converting the teachers so I decided why not…

Chapter 4 Join the dark side….we have cookies.

Minerva McGonagall groaned as she woke. Her head felt fuzzy and she discovered that she couldn't move. As she woke further she discovered that she was strangely tied to a chair. When she finally got to opening her eyes she could barely see in the darkness.

Two figures walked into her line of sight. They where wearing black robes and moved in sync with each other. At first Minerva thought that they where death eaters until they started to talk.

"We apologies for the circumstances"

"Leading to this meeting"

"But we need to talk to you"

"It's vital"

"Yes important"

"Very important"

"That we talk and"

"Come to an understanding"

"Yes agreement"

"Collective union"

"We've read your school files"

"Yes we know about kitty"

"The tricks"

"The pranks"

"The entertainment"

"Never caught though"

"Yes never proven guilty"

"We have a proposition"

"Yes an offer of grandiose proportion"

"Good work"

"Thank you I borrowed your dictionary"

Minnie, as she called herself, was getting quite disturbed by this conversation. The two reminded her of the Weasly twins except for one thing. One of the voices was female and the other was male and BOTH where voices that she knew very well.

"What we're trying to say is"

"We want you to join us"

"On the dark side of the moon"

"We have cookies!"

Minerva looked at the two and groaned in exasperation.

"Mr. Potter and Miss Granger release me this instant!" she demanded.

"Can't" Their arms lifted to their heads.

"Sorry" They lowered their hoods.

"First make a decision" They tucked their hands into their sleeves.

"You really want me to join you?" She asked amazed. "Wait a minute! How did you two get me knocked out?"

"We have friends"

"In LOW places"

"Dobby"

"Winky"

"ELVES!"

Minnie looked at the two and saw something in them that she thought she would never see again. The spirit of her brother and best friend was alive in Harry and Hermione was exactly like her sister.

Not many people knew but Minerva was one part of a set of triplets. During their school days Minnie, Marty and Mary where unstoppable, yet they where never caught making trouble. During the war Marty and Mary where killed by Voldermort in an attempt to discourage her and it had worked. Minnie had never been the same after their deaths but here was a chance to reclaim her sanity and youth being offered to her by the two least likely students.

"Ok I'll do it." She said. As she said this, the ropes around her loosened and dropped to the ground. "Ok so where's these cookies you promised me?"

Hermione snapped her fingers and called out "Apprentice Dobby (1) we need cookies and milk"

Dobby appeared with the required items and summoned another chair for himself on Harry's instructions.

"Apprentice Dobby?" Minnie asked.

"In mischief, pranking."

"And CHAOS"

"Right…."Minnie replied. "Well while we're working together, call me Minnie."

"What shall we do first?" Harry asked being the least experienced in the ways of chaos.

"What we do every night Harry, Try and take over the world! Or at least corrupt Dumbledore."(2)

And the true reign of terror started on Hogwarts.

1: Stolen from the Where in the world is Harry potter series….BEST EVER

2: From pinky and the brain…. A really old cartoon….about two mice that try and take over the world every night…..funny


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 in which Harry feeds on the blood of unsuspecting mortals

Chapter 5 in which Harry feeds on the blood of unsuspecting mortals

A/N LOST 1 HP FANFICTION Harry gets sent back in time and when he gets asked his name he says it's "Harry imean notharry" and every one thinks he said "Harry Ahmin Notharry" also he walks to Diagon ally naked cause the robe that Dumbles gives him is scratchy...PLEASE HELP ME FIND IT

Harry grinned maniacally ever since he had joined Hermione on her quest to bring insanity to Hogwarts he had become happier and a better person. This led to his current situation. Harry was tied to a chair in Dumbledore's office with all the teachers looking at him in shock, (Minnie was pretending) and Hermione giggling in the corner leaning on Luna Loovegood of all people.

The whole situation had started that morning at breakfast.

insert wavy flashback lines

"Ok so as I jump on ferret and "bite" his neck you cast those charms ok Hermione." Harry whispered as they entered the hall.

Ron was surprisingly the first person to notice Harry's dress for the day. Gone where the school robes that he normally wore and instead Harry was dressed in a black pair of skin tight pants and an open blood red shirt.

"Bloody hell mate what happened to you?" Ron called out across the hall.

"The blood of innocents will fuel my power to defeat the dark lord wanna be." Harry said in an ominous voice. He then proceeded to jump on Draco Malfoy and attach his lips to the blond boy's neck. Every one was so distracted by Harry's behavior that they didn't notice the two spells shooting out of Hermione's wand towards the two boys.

The first spell was a blood spell that made it look like Harry was actually drinking Draco's blood and the second was a simple stunner to make it look like Draco had passed out from the lack of blood.

Dumbledore was the first to jump up and shot a spell at Harry who skillfully dodged it, releasing Draco's limp body. Then Harry proceeded to run around the hall grabbing petrified (not with a spell but from fear) students and "Biting" them with the same spells being shot from Hermione's wand every time Harry "bit" a new victim.

When Harry didn't have his lips attached to a student's neck he was calling out "The blood of innocents I tell you the blood of innocents. GIVE ME YOUR BLOOD!"

Finally Dumbledore got a lucky shot and stunned Harry. He then bound Harry and took him to his office where Harry woke tied to a chair in Dumbledore's office with all the teachers looking at him in shock, and Hermione giggling in the corner leaning on Luna Loovegood of all people.

"The boy's gone dark Albus I swear just like his father!" Snape ranted until someone coughhermionecough nailed him in the nuts with a stunner from her wand which Harry saw peaking out from between the two giggling girls.

Harry knew that he was in trouble but he just couldn't help his mischievous side as he turned his head to Dumbledore and said quite calmly "no sir I don't want your blood. You're not innocent but I will gladly drink your blood Madam Promfery."

"Mister Potter, Harry what has gotten into you?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well Malloy's blood and the blood of a few other students to start off with." Harry replied. This led to Hermione falling to the ground unable to stand as she was shaking so hard with laughter. Luna looked at the girl and proceeded to poke Hermione with her foot.

This led to Dumbledore ranting at Harry for close to an hour about him becoming dark and evil.

"Jeez it was just a prank." Harry finally said. "Hermy will you please remove the glamours and release the spells that you have on the other students."

Hermione did what Harry asked causing dear old Dumbles to stop the middles of his rant and flop down heavily in his chair.

Harry's bindings released and he got up and walked to the door collecting Hermione and Luna, who seemed to be the latest addition to their group.

As they left all they could hear from Dumbledore was his head banging on his desk and a mumbled "I should have knows…..Marauders my arse…..Stupid Potter"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N LOST 1 HP FANFICTION Harry gets sent back in time and when he gets asked his name he says it's "Harry imean notharry" and

A/N LOST 1 HP FANFICTION Harry gets sent back in time and when he gets asked his name he says it's "Harry imean notharry" and every one thinks he said "Harry Ahmin Notharry" also he walks to Diagon ally naked cause the robe that Dumbles gives him is scratchy...PLEASE HELP ME FIND IT

Chapter 6 Magic Vs Sanity

Harry was shocked. Well to say that he was shocked was an understatement. Harry was so shocked that he actually fell off of the bench where he was sitting during breakfast.

Ron was also shocked but for a different reason to the reason that Harry was shocked.

Ron was shocked because Harry was doing a Hermione and reading at the breakfast table.

Luna entered the hall, wandered over to the Gryffindor table and sat down next to Harry.

"Luna did you know this?" Harry asked pointing to the book. Harry didn't even bother asking Luna why she was sitting next to him. If he had she would've just looked shocked that her seat had moved and made a comment about Nargels or Snorklacs moving her stuff. Luna also had the uncanny ability to be able to know who needed to talk to her.

"Yes Harry I did." She replied calmly. "I think you should tell Hermione she'll love it."

Just then their subject of discussion walked in wearing a really bad suit that remided them all of the suit that Fuge wore.

"Hermione I need you to look at this." Harry said handing her the book with the magically highlighted section(so that Hermione didn't kill him for damaging books).

Hermione took two minutes to read the section and started laughing.

"It makes sence" she giggled.

"Yes." Harry started. "I've joined you, Luna can't have a full one tracked conversation with anyone, Dumbles acts like a child and well voldi wants to take over the world. And that's not even thinking about you! You're a freak who can remember anything and well just look at the year so far. It is perfectly reasonable."

"What are you reading Harry?" Ron asked.

"Merlin's theories on magic ability." Harry calmly replied. "just a bit of light reading you see."

"What does it say?" ron asked trying to understand what his friends (they where insane but still his friends) where talking about.

"Oh it's just talking about how to tell that a person has a lot of power. Aparently the more magic you have the less sanity you have." Harry answered.

With that they heard a thunk as Draco passed out and they heard a "I knew there was a valid reason for lemon drops" from Albus.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Why me

Chapter 7 Why me?

_So as you might be able to tell I've been procrastinating about this chapter…. I want to write it honest but well……there's so many fanfics that I can read instead. Well celebrate I've finally gotten INSPERATION for this chapter so here it is…ALSO who do you want Harry and Hermione paired up with (NOT EACH OTHER!!) slash or het??_

_**DISCLAIMER: **__not mine wish it was I want SEV!! Also the song isn't mine it belongs to either the beatles or some other band I don't know _

_I'd also like to give thanks to _Roozette's **Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at Hogwarts**_ from which I got the inspiration for the Hermione scene in this from. Read her story it's great. It also got love potion number 9 stuck in my head which prompted this chapter…….__**BLAME HER NOT ME**_

Why me?

Hermione sat cross legged on the counter top. She heard the shower switch off and the door open. As her victim came around the corner she was surprised that they showed no shock at her position.

"Hermione." Harry nodded as he reached into his toiletries bag and pulled out a razor. "What can I do for you dear?" He asked her as he started shaving.

"Well Harry I have a bit of a dilemma." Hermione started but then stopped as Ron stumbled into the bathroom and stripped. It wasn't until he was in his boxers that he realized that Hermione was in the bathroom looking at him grinning.

"Don't let me stop you Ron." She said in a sultry voice.

"Harry get her out of here!" Ron exclaimed loudly.

"Sorry mate she's the boss." Harry said.

Finally, after a bit of glaring, Ron left the bathroom without showering and get ready for the day.

As Ron was leaving Seamus walked in. "Hi Harry, Hermione" he said sleepily as he stripped and got into the shower. Harry and Hermione stared after him in expectation and weren't disappointed when two minutes later a loud girlish shriek came out from the showers.

Finally Hermione turned back to Harry and continued, "Well as I was saying I've got a bit of a problem and well you see I've got the BEST prank in the history of pranks but it involves you drinking a strange potion and trusting me. Also you will be kinda embarrassed by this prank." She finished in a rush.

"So it's a good prank?" Harry asked.

Hermione nodded

"Ok I'll do it." Harry finally said.

"Great I'll mix it up right here in the sink." Hermione said as she pulled out a bottle of confusion potion, a compulsion potion and some lust potion.

As she poured them into the sink they mixed by them selves.

"Herm is this supposed to smell like turpentine and look like ink?" Harry asked his friend worriedly.

"Yep it's a lovely little potion that was sung about." Hermione said giving Harry a vial of the potion. "Now drink it up and trust me."

Harry drank the potion and downed it in one gulp dropping the vial when he was done with it.

I was gonna finish this chapter here but well I'm not meanmuch

Hermione walked into the hall and to the surprise of everyone walked up to professor Snape and bowed to him.

"Professor in recognition of all the hard work you put into teaching us every year I would like to present you with this gift." She said as she summoned a large crate into the hall.

Severus thanked Hermione and lifted the lid of the crate. As he looked in he was grabbed by two hands which he found belonged to Harry Potter just as he was kissed harshly on the lips.

"Mr. Potter what is going on?" dear old Dumbles asked in shock.

"Well you see Dumbles I took my troubles down to Madame Rue. You know that gypsy with the gold capped tooth, she's got a pad down on 34th and Vine,  
Selling little bottles of Love Potion number 9. I told her that I was a flop with chicks. I've been disgraced since 1956. She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign. She said what you need is Love Potion number 9. She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink. She said I'm gonna make it up right here in the sink. It smelled like turpentine, and looked like Indian ink. I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink!"

Seamus who recognized the lyrics jumped up and called out. "Harry is it night or day?"

To which Harry replied "I don't know!"

Harry then proceeded to run around the hall kissing everyone in sight. When he reached Hermione he kissed her said "Thank you Madame Rue," and ran off to kiss Snape again.

As Harry neared Severus he was finally hit with a petrifying spell yet he could still speak.

"I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink! I didn't know if it was day or night. I started kissing everything in sight. But when I kissed a cop down on 34th and Vine. He broke my little bottle of Love Potion number 9." He said morosely.

With that Harry and Hermione where dragged up to the headmasters office again.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 Badger, badger, badger Dorothy

Chapter 8 Badger, badger, badger Dorothy.

For the first time in history Hermione was actually looking forward to a Quidditch match in which Harry wasn't playing. It was the Hufflepuff-Slytherin match and Hermione had just got a letter from her best muggle friend telling her of a new song that Hermione was dying to try out.

Hermione had also decided to do this prank alone. Harry thought that he knew what was going to happen but Hermione had kept a few small, tiny, minuscule details from him.

Hermione's plotting had started the night before when she had snuck into the Hufflepuff and Slytherin dorms and cast a few spells on the players brooms. Then at midnight Hermione snuck out of the castle and had cast the same spells on the stands, goals and balls. So basically everything that a student or teacher would be touching the next day was spelled.

The next part of Hermione's plan was placing simple enchanted muggle tape-players under each stand on the field. Hermione then went to bed and slept in late the next morning.

The morning before the match went smoothly and it was only once the first goal had been scored that Hermione's plotting came to fruit. All of the pranks where tied together in a chain reaction so that even if Hermione was taken out they would still continue.

The first thing that happened was fireworks went off and wrote "Surrender Dorothy you green faced witches" across the sky. None of the pure bloods got the joke but almost all of the muggle born and half bloods got the joke. Those that didn't get it immediately got the joke when underneath the writing large winged monkeys appeared and flew across the sky accompanied by a shrieking "I'm melting, I'm melting".

While the muggle born and half bloods started laughing a soft thrumming started pulsing from under the seats.

Slowly a chant of "Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger Mushroom, Mushroom, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger Mushroom, Mushroom," started growing louder with the words appearing in the sky like some sort of demented magical kareoke. When it reached it's peak volume the music screeched "A Snape, A Snape I think I see a Snape!" and showed a picture of Snape.

This prank wasn't aimed at any students in particular so it resulted in all of the students laughing and eventually singing along, the Quidditch match long forgotten.

Once all the students where singing along a bright light flashed and all of the students and teachers found themselves in the great hall positioned exactly as they had been on the Quidditch field. The players where still in the air and so where all of the balls.

Madam Hooch quickly called an end to the game and everyone landed.

Harry and well everyone suspected Hermione on principal but they couldn't prove it had been her as Hermione had read up on magical signatures and had found a nifty little spell that disguised hers for the three hours that she had been casting spells to make this whole fiasco come about.

A/N ok well the last chapter 8 that I posted was CRAPOLA so I rewrote it only to find that Hermione didn't want to sing so this chapter came about.

Just a quick list of the rules that Hermione broke in this chapter

I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

I am not allowed to skywrite "Surrender Dorothy" during Quidditch games.

Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport. 


End file.
